Vanochtend op Facebook kwam ik een te grappig vergelijk tussen Galgo en Podenco baasjes tegen om niet hier te delen
Helaas in het engels, maar absoluut het lezen waard
“Here is something of a dog related issue… and about their humans – especially the species Homo Galgoholic and Homo Podencensis. Be forewarned: I am prone to exaggerate…
Especially people with several dogs tend to be a little neurotic. Nobody knows this better then I and other multiple dog-owners.
“Recall” is a very important subject for all sighthound owners. Understood that sightounds have a radius of action which largely differs from that of any “normal” dog. Because of their explosive warp speed these dogs disappear from view much faster than the time the human needs to disentangle his leads.
That is why the subject of recall is passionately and often debated and practiced – with various stages of success.
The Galgowoman usually proceeds like this: A sweetishly shrill scream of “BYE BYE XXX” (XXX = Name of her dog). Running in the opposite direction while constantly looking over the shoulder to see, if dog reacts. Important: do not forget to wave! A steak dangling around the neck may also prove to be helpful.
Recall with a Podwoman: she either screams into the forest so loud, that trees instantly shed their foliage in fear – or she stands still, staring at her smartphone in order to determine, where the Pod has ended up by now. Often accompanied by a low whimper. Shouting, yelling, screaming: all useless. As Pod mums with more than a 3-Pod-experience know. When they scream, it is with rage. Some innocent bystander may think that the silent smartphone observation is an attempt to bring the dog back through telepathy.
Advantage Galgo: 95% of them return within minutes to where they took off.
Disadvantage Podenco: a Pod jumps high, a Pod jumps far – why not, there is plenty of time; meaning that it can take 1.5 hours waiting in the rain, somewhere in the woods, postponing all later appointments to the following day.
The inexperienced Pod owner begins to compose the text for a worldwide search-ad in every known doggie group on fb. Passing pedestrians are informed that a dog who looks like a bat but without wings, has escaped. That he is not dangerous but timid and will not let himself be touched; please do not follow him but call one of these 10 phone numbers (yes, please save them immediately to your phone), etc. etc. 1.5 hours gives you enough time for all of that.
If you meet a woman tied up on a path in the woods with her dogs it is probably a Podwoman – Flexi Leads are dangerous things… If however, you meet a desperate woman with NO Flexi Lead: this could very well be a Galgowoman – the Flexi Lead probably still hanging on the dog, already on its way to Timbuktu, the clanking Flexi Lead as a motivator trailing behind him.
You may have noticed: I mainly speak of women here. As a matter of fact: 99% of the dog owners I am in touch with are of the female persuasion. I do not know any single men with more than 2 dogs. With couples, the dogs mostly belong to the women. Men without any dogs may think: this must be paradise. And I tell them: YOU HAVE NO IDEA!
Also an important topic and one which enables the inexperienced, dog-less person who does not know the difference between a Galgo and a Podenco, to spot the difference. Just look at the women.
The Pod owner is always grimy. If the dog is almost as tall as the woman, it is usually a Podenco Ibicenco. Gorgeous dogs – they occasionally like to put their paws on the head of their owner or drag her through 50 meters of freshly plowed field because they just spotted the bobbing tail of a rabbit. A Podwoman could best be described as “rustic”: dark jacket, stringy hair, wellies or sturdy walking boots, Jeans. No, not the ones from Jack Wolfskin, the paw prints are real and those of her Podenco. Earthy smell, mixed with the aroma of sausage, cheese and assorted treats. You recognize the dogs by grass hanging from their mouths as well as clumps of earth on their nose and front paws. They usually carry several square feet of soil around with them.
Totally different: the Galgo-lover. Fashionable down to the minutest detail, accessorized to a point as to bring tears of joy to the eyes of every accessory manufacturer. The Galgo woman also has a keen sense of humor: you can deduce that from the always up-to-date fashion of her sighthound. Fashion is one of the few things that is not regarded with disdain like so many others (Teletakt, Flexi Lead, Dry food). But the day may come when the first Galgo will collapse under the weight of his Kevin Jumper or Anubis winter coat.
As I said: you recognize Galgowomen by their elegance. The dog himself is a fashion attribute. She would love to have long, slender legs like her dog, except for the fur. To take a walk, heels are in order – until she meets reality for the first time, being dragged forth by her running Galgo; in this, both owner groups are very similar. The Galgo usually stares “through” his admiring fans or he runs them over. It is more difficult to meet a Podenco: he is usually down a hole, digging – or he has already sprinted from view.
Galgowomen often go through a career change. Starting with one, they soon add a second Galgo – and eventually end up opening a coat-, collar- or dogfood shop. The reasoning being, that it is cheaper to run a shop than to buy all the necessary equipment retail. I admit: they may be right.
Basic needs of a Galgo (using myself as an example – per dog):
• Light coat, warm enough for change of seasons, waterproof
• Thick, warm, waterproof coat for below zero temperatures
• Kevin Jumper, various colors
• Softshell Jumper, neon colors
• Softshell raincoat for colder rain
• Unlined raincoat for the summer
• Pajamas with legs (useful after surgeries to prevent licking)
With 6 Dogs (mine), you thus end up with at least 48 different items. Add the other stuff you erroneously brought home from your shopping sprees…
Further add at least 3 collars per dog (women buy more, I am just talking of myself here). An infinite number of leads as well as 2 medipacks with anti-allergic syringes, clamps and enough material to stop blood flows.
How simple life is for the Podwomen.. here is the basic supply need for a Pod:
• 1 Food bowl
• 1 Water bowl
• 4 GPS trackers
• 28 Flexi Leads
• Endless number of harnesses in all shapes and colors including stitched-in phone number, big enough to be read from 100 m distance
Galgowomen from 3 to 4 Galgos upwards also like to be known as “trainers” or better still: “animal communicators” I suspect that this as well, is done to save money and if possible, also generate some funds. Understandable, if one considers the fashion requirements and the ensuing cost.
Btw: Any Galgowoman with esoteric tendencies must dabble in “animal communication”… if you tend to ignore these teachings, you will probably be blocked from all animal groups, real-life play areas and sighthound events. Whatever you do: don’t make jokes about it, either! Who knows what these people are capable of – telepathically, over the phone etc. (voodoo, puppets, needles)
Most Galgowomen are happy if they don’t have to do much with their dog. He only has to look noble, look haughty, stare past people or better still: stare through them. Or run them over.
In order to satisfy the occasional pangs of conscience, they are likely to participate in the odd weekend seminar titled “Recall, fast and easy” or “Anti-prey training through mechanical lure coursing”
Of course you can choose to take part with or without a dog. The latter seems more sensible because collars and coats are expensive enough and the seminar costs less if you come without a dog. And it is less embarrassing: imagine to have your own Galgo pretend he does not even know you – because then, you’d have to book a seminar on „Bonding with your sighthound“, too.
With a pack training most owners would be overtaxed anyway – especially if it means changing your dog for any other dog there. Never! And as it is, only one person “knows” dogs: the Galgowoman.
Podencos on the other hand, are impossible to train (says the usually tattooed, pale, vegan, pseudo animal rights activist who usually works in a company busy in animal rights issues and yells “Till It Shines” the loudest when taking part in a manifestation) Important though: hold your own face into the camera and end up in as many pictures as possible.
Here are, in no particular order, some wild rumors about the owners:
1. Podwomen rather glue than drill. Galgo owners usually own 5 electric drills (me, for example)
2. Podwomen know every trick in the book on how to make a yard safe. Galgo owners build their own sighthound play area incl. a cabin, a well, a running track including electric lure machine and a wardrobe for their coats (I have yet to finish the last 3 on this list)
3. Podwomen know fences better than any employee in a hardware store. Galgowomen have faith in their expensive mini- guardian angels, dangling from the collars of their dogs
4. Podwomen own at least 5 spades to fill up the holes in their yard or to bury slain critters. Galgowomen tend to ask in 48 sighthound groups if the rabbit her dog brought home could be saved – and if everybody would be willing to participate in an auction to come up for the vet costs.
5. Podwomen don’t have mole problems in their yard. Bur the building authorities come calling occasionally to check, why there is a new excavation pit on the premises.
6. Podwomen are always grimy. Galgowomen are always elegant. Until they go through “the experience” for the first time.
7. Not every Podwoman deserves just one Pod. I wish for some to have at least 6 of them.
8. Podwomen know every piece of wildlife within a perimeter of 5 km by name and blood type. Galgowomen have all phone numbers for every vet and emergency numbers saved on their smartphone. Experienced Galgowomen have memorized all numbers, sorted by distance, up to 100 km.
9. Podwomen know how to fly – high and wide – behind their Pod on a lead. Galgowomen can do the same – but more elegantly.
10. If you want a date with a Podwoman, you have to have at least 1 Pod. Chances proportionally rise from 2 Pods upwards. A date with a Galgowoman? Possible and endurable. There are worse things in life but: it is expensive.
11. If a Podwoman is courting you, she is not after your body – she is likely more interested in your fenced play area or the car if it is suited for 10 dogs. The same goes for the Galgo woman.
12. Pods find holes in the fence faster than a Galgo can run. And Galgos jump over a fence faster than you can close the gate to the play area.
13. Men and women with several Podencos rarely have what is termed a “real relationship” because there just are no beds big enough. Sex is difficult, to say the least – unless you don’t mind farting onlookers with 4 paws who like to be as close as possible and, in a worst-case-scenario, start licking your balls.
14. Podwomen like felting small objects with dog hair and wear them as accessories. (There are German Shepherd moms felting real sweaters… google it, if you don’t believe me) Galgowomen handicraft miniature guardian angels. Nobody leaves the house without one. Except for the husband of Galgowoman, if she is married. He does not need one, he is insured and thus expendable.
15. Pod owners always own surplus garden furniture – in case someone comes calling and would also like to sit. Galgo owners do, as well – but theirs have nice cushions on the seats.
16. Podwomen have more collars and leads than the average BDSM studio. So do Galgowomen – in addition 5 coats per dog, not counting the underwear and bathrobes.
17. It is great to take a Podwoman to IKEA – they usually have big cars. Galgowomen don’t; their cars are usually not very suitable (but elegant). And you try and take home a BILLY shelf plus 3 Galgos in the trunk, 4 on the backseat and 2 on the front seat. ‘Cause the dogs have to come with you, always.
18. Podwomen are members in at least 2199 dog groups on facebook. Galgowomen love to start auction groups on a daily basis (especially during the weeks before Christmas), then add at least 687 people to them – regardless if they own dogs or not. Both groups have jobs as moderators or admins in at least 311 groups.
19. There is a rumor floating around that the Kevin-Jumper-exchange groups were founded by both breed moms.
20. Podwomen claim that Galgos often mob. Galgowomen know they do. They don’t deny it but smile sweetly because the Podwomen don’t own “real” sighthounds and therefore, mobbing is acceptable.
21. Podwomen always consider their dogs pure breeds… even when they are black or came from Romania and even if they look like a cross between a Kangal and an Eurasian. Galgowomen are the same; even if their Galgo looks like a sleigh dog – but the adoption group confirmed that it is 100% a Galgomix – and they must know, after all.
22. As a Galgoman you are certainly able to be in a relationship with a Podwoman. But beware, never mention that one of your dogs came from a breeder: you will be DEAD to her. Virtually and maybe even in real life.
23. Podwomen never use the bathroom in two. One of them has to hold the
28 dogs they brought with them. Galgowomen never use public bathrooms: too unhygienic. What if it has been used by one of those grimy Podwomen before?
24. Podwomen choose their dogs for their ears. The bigger and pointier, the better. Mr. Spock is the patron saint and idol for the Podwomen – if only he was still alive. Galgowoman takes, whoever looks the most arrogant or haughty, has eyes big like saucers, is as big as possible and with eccentric coloring. Even better if the dog has one blue and one brown eye.
25. On a blind date with a Podwoman, the telltale sign is a chewy, not a rose. With Galgowomen it is a miniature guardian angel.
26. Pods are easier to train than their moms. You can only afford to date a Galgowoman if you are in a top-salary position.
27. Podwomen are tough. Maybe the toughest! When others panic, the Podwoman wipes sweat, blood and mud from her or her dog’s forehead. In similar circumstances, the Galgowoman calls every emergency clinic in a radius of 100 km. Organizes transport, accompanied by 3 girlfriends and drives with them and all 14 dogs to the clinic… Success: the nasty tick could be surgically removed while the dog is anesthetized. His insurance will cover it.
28. Most written comment by Podwomen when coming across an adoption ad? “Oh how cute. Cuteness overload. I would take him but I already have XXX dogs.“ Galgowomen write the same, use the same words but add a <3.
29. Every 11 minutes, a Galgo- or Podwoman falls in love with a rescued dog on facebook.
30. Podwomen possess nerves of steel. They have a remarkably healthy circulatory system and amazingly strong vocal cords. The muscles in shoulders and arms are well developed and their grip is vice-like. But only when the dogs are concerned. Galgowomen have none of it – their dogs carry miniature guardian angels on their collars.
31. Podwomen know every forest ranger and their cars in a perimeter of 50 km. Galgowomen remember even their license plate numbers
32. Podwomen are eagerly waiting each season for the newest rubber boot models from Zalando. Galgowomen get hot flushes when SofaDogWear promises speedy delivery. Especially for Kevin jumpers in fuchsia.
33. Podwomen have a remarkable arsenal of swear words – causing even construction workers to blush. Galgowomen turn away embarrassed and pretend not to know the woman they have been going on walks with for 14 years.
34. It is next to impossible to keep a conversation going during walks with a Podwoman – she is 110% focused on her dogs. But you will never forget the names of her dogs, they are burned into your memory. To have a conversation with a Galgowoman? Impossible for a man: she never stops talking.
35. It is essential that your dogs have names with a mystic meaning or both dog moms will go off you. You better google first how to translate “wonderful starlight” into Spanish and USE it. Even if you have trouble pronouncing it.
36. The Podwoman will only leave the house when her GPS trackers and her phone are fully charged to be able to find the Pod. The Galgowoman only leaves the house when the miniature guardian angels are dangling from the collars.
37. No woman has more earth crumbs in her bed than a Pod owner. The Galgowoman has the newest pajama collection and the most powerful Dyson vacuum cleaner.
38. Podwomen are only able to go on holiday when they have at least 10.000 square meters of play area around the house and the fence is at least 6 feet high and 1.5 meters deep into the ground. Galgowomen require more or less the same, only a more exclusive design and with miniature guardian angels.
39. Podwomen like the solitude. No people (except other Pod owners), no wildlife, no forest, high fences. And walks along a river – preferably one to the left and one to the right.
40. Galgowomen love to go on protest marches, waving banners and outdoing each other with shouts of “Till It Shines”
41. If you as a man, have a property of at least 1000 square meters and a 6 foot fence going at least 0.5 meters into the ground, you have good chances with any Podwoman. But beware: she does not necessarily want your body but that fenced in area, your towels and your coffee maker. Should the Pod escape it is going to be your fault, anyway.
42. You meet Podwomen outdoors who probably have not taken a shower yet: the Pod needed to go out urgently. Galgowomen just open the door into their yard.
43. Even when naked, Pod- as well as Galgowomen usually smell of treats.. You may also encounter the odd dead mouse in their beds.
Wat een ontzettend leuk en grappig geschreven stuk Ina.. prachtig!
Ik krijg zo af en toe weleens iets mee van de Galgo- en Podwomen..., en in die zin zooo herkenbaar!
en ooit, echt..., als de tijd daar is...wil ik ook graag een langpoot...
Ik ben best benieuwd maar dit is me echt teveel tekst en dan ook nog in het Engels hihi.
Hahaha.... dan weet je wat je te doen staat Esther
Sparen voor een garderobe, oefenen om op hakken je racebeest uit te laten, beschermengeltjes kopen.... of nog liever, zelf knutselen
Deze dan ook meteen in je 'windhondenwebshop' verkopen.... naast de speciale kleding die je toch al inkocht voor je eigen viervoeter
O... en dekentjes .... en manden (of een nieuwe bank)... absoluut noodzakelijk bij de standaard uitrusting
En zoek ook alvast alle telefoonnummers en adressen van alle dierenartsen in een straal van 100 kilometer.... je kan maar vast voorbereid zijn
Een geweldig stuk zelfreflectie, geschreven door een Galgo eigenaar.... maar het is vooral zo grappig om de herkenning te lezen in reacties van mede langpooteigenaren.
Natuurlijk is het zwaar overtrokken en heerlijk cynisch.... maar ergens schuilt er een hele grote waarheid in
Errug veel tekst inderdaad.... maar je kan dan ook eindeloos schrijven over de streken van Podjes en Galgo's.... hoewel het hier voornamelijk gaat over de streken van hun eigenaren
Hopelijk komt er ooit een vertaling naar het Nederlands, dan zal ik hem hier plakken... leest een stukje makkelijker
Wat een leuk en vermakelijk verhaal.
Sommige dingen zijn inderdaad herkenbaar, ook al ben in een Podman met slechts 1 Canario.
Zoek je iets op de HondenPage ? Vul dan hier jouw zoekwoorden in ?